April 13- Portrait Of My Heart

I like the picture but

its meaning, its story is so loud

like a song playing in the background of my existence

and so loud that I can’t hear the words in my head

 

Its edges are blurry and they blur

the four flat outlines that hold the paint back

filling the room with something

 

Something new but the story is as old as time itself

the one that repeats in everyone’s lives

the one that brought the pain, sorrow and regret

the one that eats at us all

 

Can’t you see the picture like I do.

How it drips on the floor, with it horrible drip, drip, drip

I hear it clearly, even with my eyes shut.

It’s drip goes with every beat of my heart

for they are one and the same.

 

J.R

April 13-Right Here With You

Right Here With You

by Daniel White

 

I would give anything just to pass the time with you

And focus on the bright future becoming so true

As we wash away the sadness, regret and pain inside

We each have found a special place to escape and hide

 

If only I could see your face every single day

And force time to move faster so we wouldn’t have to wait

Every time we talk I can collect more future memories

Of a time I was there for you while you were here to comfort me

 

Happiness is what I will now forever feel

Contentment within a mind so real

Two heart which beat in perfect sync

Together maintaining such a pure chemistry

Right here with you

 

Once again I wish we could spend this day together

Just like the other night I hoped would last forever

And erase all of the despair, hurt and sorrow

Hoping I can find a way to see you once again tomorrow

 

In time I will see your wonderful smile each and every day

There will be a time when we no longer need to wait

And when we talk it will always be face to face

Within the best and closest friendship none can replace

 

Joy is now a part of me

Peace within a heart so free

Two mind which think alike

A bond that can only survive

Right here with you

 

I want to tell you how I really feel

Deep down inside I’m fighting with myself

I know when the time is right and so very near

I’ll pour out my heart and you I’ll tell

 

I am now right here passing the time with

There is nothing else at all I would rather do

As we walk away from the fear, deceit and doubt

You are the one thing I know I cannot live without

 

Soon I will see your face once again and I’ll smile

Knowing that I’m safe within your arms now for a while

Holding on so tight never wanting o let go

I am now convinced and very certain to know

 

Happiness is what I will now forever feel

Contentment within a mind so real

Two hearts which beat in perfect sync

Together maintaining such a pure chemistry

Right here with you

April 12-Tribute to Nothingness

There are things collected

timeless artifact that remind us of past times

They sit collecting dust.

 

As memorial to those of the past

Those who thought they could make it

Those that had dared to love.

Those that were successful and those who failed

Those that tried to dream even a drop of hope

for the life they drank from

 

Like a water that has turn black from the evil

of those who take from the defenseless

the children the small.

It is dark, swirling.  Even here

those ones have artifacts.

 

They corrupted the ground,

the foundation of all that is human, kind

loving.  And they killed of the plants that grew

from the kindness that once was.

It was something that was going to happen no matter what

as though it was something that had to happen

like a object that was supposed to create

a realization.

 

Though through all this no realization was made.

No one stood up.  At least no one that could change things

No one who was a collection of people who cared.

No one cleansed the water we drank from

No one cared for us like we needed

 

Even a testament stands here for them.

All that stands is the nothingness that was always there

that will always be there.

Like a statue to the past and future of our current condition.

Like the emptiness we all feel.

 

J.R

April 12-Death Awaits

Death Awaits

by Daniel White

 

Through this night which no person shall have to endure

Entangled in pain within the darkest light without a cure

For the disease which consumes my every twisted thought

Burning alive within me tonight is the hatred that never stops

 

Why must I remain in this place only to feel the demise

And eradicated every smile once upon my face while facing the lies

Through this night I feel nothing but guilt and shame

Never knowing what is wrong or who is right or where to point the blame

 

If only you could save me now

Reach out and pull me up somehow

Instead you leave me here to die

While I live within another one of your lies

 

Into another day of darkness only we will every know

Plunged into the pure depths of anger where distrust will forever grow

Fed by the true misery that has created this disease

A hatred that not only lives inside but has complete control over me

 

How must I find a way to escape from this wrath

And erase each single horrible memory which stands in my path

As in this day I feel so hurt, broken and alone

Knowing and hoping the fault was never my own

 

If only someone could reach me

And my inner pain be able to see

To me they could stretch

And save me from your most untimely death

Instead I now take my final breath

And we both die here alone

April 11-Gone

And so my day begins

Just as it had ended.

With the emptiness of mind and heart

Like the absence of something passed

 

I am always here to stay

Right in this place

this town

The place the reminds me most of you

 

I wonder if I will ever have the courage

to move, leave, and live

but everything is too far away

even when I can see you clearly.

 

Your words echo in this empty room

they tear me down.

Breaking my heart and my spirit.

I can’t leave them be

I need to hear the echoing of anything that would make you

real.

 

If I could just close my eyes a little longer,

If I could just lay here in this place

just a little longer

to be here with the past echos of you

then I would push myself a little more

or I would give up entirely.

I have not chosen yet what will happen

 

All I know is

I am here no matter how hard I try

to be

gone

With the words that are all that’s left of you

since you are

gone too.

 

J.R

April 10-Tides Of Change

Tides Of Change

by Daniel White

 

Indecisive movements beneath the ocean floor

Causes the waves to come in with the tide

Intrusive currents send the water to share

As we dream the dream and live out our lives

 

Following the pattern of what a wise man once believed

If we keep on trying we will achieve

 

The tides of meaning

The way of truth

forever knowing

Always seeing

These are the tides of change

 

Unreliable ideas that come with our changing world

Is desolation at the end of the path we follow

Conducive thoughts that tend to become unfurled

Sometimes we wonder if there will be a tomorrow

 

Standing in the footsteps of our ancestors

As we pass through time

Learning on the gate of hopes

While our decisions fall in line

 

The timeless ocean

What we all know

What we seek and find

The changing times

The tides are changing

Lives are ending, others are beginning

 

Inconclusive events that make us ever unsure

Can often lead to drowning in the many problems

Evasive acts that break us down even more

So we look on at the many broken promises

 

Stumbling through the times changing before us

Understanding the ones we trust

 

The tides of meaning

The way of truth

Forever knowing

Always seeing

These are the tides of change

 

 

This was the first poem of Dan’s that I had ever heard.  Before we started dating we had talked about writing, more specifically about writing poetry.  He wanted to trade our poetry so we could read each others.  At the time I was thinking, “Oh great, here is probably another person who thinks that it is more important to rhyme your poems that to actually put real meaning behind them.”  Also, I was not one to share my poetry with people who knew me.  I always fear that the judgment or misconceptions that would come with that.  So I feared sharing it with this man who I had only really known for two weeks.  As such, I only put together about ten of my less heartfelt poetry.

When we had traded our notebooks, he wanted me to read one of his poems right there on the spot.  As a writer myself, when someone else reads a poem I have written, they rarely ever read it the way I meant it to be read.  So I asked him if he would read it to me after explaining that to him.  He did so.  I remember thinking how I felt bad for giving him such a superficial collection of poems when he was giving me poetry like this one.  As I continued to read his poetry later, I realized how amazing it was.

I also found out later that the reason he wanted me to read that poem was because he was testing me.  Testing me to see if I would be able to handle his poetry.  He had shared it with others who had misunderstood his meanings and words.  I guess I passed.

J.R

April 7th-Out Of Breath

Out Of Breath

by Daniel White

 

I can feel my heart as it keeps beating

I try to ignore the fact on which is gone

As I find myself just scarcely breathing

Decisive thoughts that relate to where I belong

 

Set free, but I am traumatized

Disguised in thought as I de-materialize

Into the night, as I am melted by the light

 

I take another step

Will it be something I’ll regret

As I am in a state of complete duress

I lose my way as I run out of breath

 

I am no longer aware of my fading heart

I try to find reasons or truths from within

My breathing itself beings to depart

Meaningless times make up the life I am living

 

I am afraid to look inside

Arrayed by thoughts, yes thoughts and lies

 

I know my unrest

As more turns into less

Help me get back on my weary feet

Give me the power to entreat

 

Breath I need to regain

My heart I need to heal

Someone to end the pain

To be wanted is what I feel

 

So I remain unrecognized

Trying to re-materialize

 

 

I take another step

Will it be something I’ll regret

As I am in a stated of complete duress

I lose my war as I run out of breath

Living on will I regain my breath

April 3rd- Absence Of A Dream

Absence Of A Dream

by Daniel White

 

A dream I have known

Comes into my heart

All thought I have owned

Are torn right apart

By the darkness

 

I make my wish

On a falling star

As it takes from within

The sadness of what we are

And the absence of life

 

I look for it now

Searching low and high

I will not go without

What’s falling from the sky

 

It grows inside of who I am

The dream I have lost

In the mirror I see a wary man

Who can no longer deal with the cost

 

As I give away my life

On a wish not coming true

The wrong is no longer right

I can’t find a way through

 

I search for it now

Looking high and low

I dance in the crowd

As the star comes falling down

 

I fight with my fears

As I attempt to end the tears

Has my will died

Or is it just falling from the sky

 

Once again, I make that wish

On a falling star

I turn to lift

Upon who we are

 

I make my wish

On a falling star

As it takes from within

The sadness of what we are

Through the absence of a dream

April 1st – Broken Love

Broken Love

By Daniel White

 

Her love is like the call of death

That never had  a chance to exist

My heart is like a broken vase with nothing left

But a few dead flowers of which it consists

 

Broken hearts are said to fade away

But, if mine doesn’t I’ll be left with nothing to say

 

Her face is similar to life blown away by the wind

Of a cold autumn afternoon

My life is like a journey that seems to have no end

Will she ever know what was true

 

Torn minds will never change

A feeling that was real now seems strange

 

Broken love is the rain falling from my window

All that I have known is broken love

In my heart, in my soul

All that remains is broken love

 

Her eyes are like the wilting of a flower

That sinks back into the ground

My will to continue on has lost all power

The time once special is now only sound

All I feel is broken love

 

 

This is the poetry of my boyfriend who passed away in March of 2013.  He and I planned on doing National Poetry Month together last year, but unfortunately he died before we even had a chance.  I was given all of his poems that he had written since he was 14 years old.  He was a much greater poet than I will ever be.  I do enjoy writing poetry but I am not very good at it.  I have always done better at writing fictional stories.  I wish to share the words that first touched my heart.  I was one of the few people Dan had shared his poetry with.  Yet, I feel it is too good not to be shared.  So for the month, along with my own poems, I will be posting Dan’s as well.

J.R.

NaPoWriMo Comes To An End

Well, a good month has gone by. It seems that I have gotten really use to writing a poem everyday. It is one of those things that you get use to it so much you feel it would be weird not doing it anymore. It is hard to write a poem everyday but I will try to keep up with writing poems. I had fun and I am sure everyone else did. I had the chance to read some really great poems by some outstanding poets. I would like a chance to mention them here but right now I don’t have the information. As soon as I can I will do so. Everyone did great!

Today is the last day of NaPoWriMo and time for one last poem.

End of the month.
April went by quickly
with careful words and
structure.

Everyday poetry
had to be made.
May seem hard but
let me tell you truly,
Somehow the words
just flow from
mind to pen
ink into the paper.

Stains create ideas
and creativity.
Ideas are produced
seemingly from nowhere
but filled with so much beauty.

How amazingly these
ideas seem to come
when thinking seems
to be not do-able.
When words do not
come then something begins.
A word or idea that leads to more.
Word upon words.
In the end a poem
that is unique and original

J.R.