April 20- To A Friend

To you my friend

I thought that we were going to make it

together though all this.


Remember when we sat at that table

We talked about how

our past and present seemed to

always be colliding.


We had both gone through

tough heart breaks

things that few people have had to deal with.

Because of that we had something


Though we never became close

we had a bond from those

collisions.  we knew what we both went

through and that gave us a bond

that I thought would always be there.


You said that I was stronger

That since you kept crying

that made you weak


Let me tell you a secret,

not one of us is strong.

We don’t get through things because we are strong

we do it because we have  no other choice.


The reason for my lack of tears?

I have cried a year long

with no halt. I have few tears left,

What’s left is only a silence never filled

and sometimes that feels worse than crying.


If you just believed that you could make it,

you would. but not from strength.

From necessity.


Because the secret is,

the truth is,

no one is strong.



April 20- One Moment

One Moment

by Daniel White


Bring me back now

To a much better year

To a time when everything was simple

Take away all of my fear


I’ve spent my entire life

Waiting in the shadows

But, somehow I survived

You heart I will allow


Stepping out of the darkness

I sense a bitter chill

Of love, hate and sadness

Each one I have fulfilled


Now I grasp for a moment

A life I thought I’d lost

Putting it all behind me

You help make me strong


Bring me back now

To that time I desire

When life was simple

When I was never tired


I no longer wait in the shadows

Now that I’ve found you

I look forward to tomorrow

What it will bring is true


I’ve stepped out of the darkness

I can feel a touch of warmth

Bringing truth, hope and contentment

Of all this I am sure


Grasping for that moment

Giving myself a reason to live

I’ve put all my hopes in front of me

I have so much left to give


Bring me back now

To that special time

Where I could sit and laugh

And tears of joy I’d cry


I want to share this with you

As on the present I reflect

My empty thoughts are now filled

With the good times we collect



This is definitely one of my favorite poems of Dan’s.  It was one of the firsts that he had shared with me.  He wrote it to symbolizes a important time in his life.  One where he had realized a truth that brought him joy and made him free.  This poem always give me hope and is something I very much cherish.  It was the poem that was chosen to be shared on the collage of pictures of Dan’s life at his funeral.  It was well chosen.



April 19- A Loyal Friend

I walked on this path with only one companion

The four legged animal of loyalty

one with love who has never left my side


This wolf friend of mine has always been there

Even in my dreams he protects me

He is a brother to me

A family.


The only family I have left that is there

That is strong.


We walk the forest trees

We lay by the river side.

We survive together

And we don’t need anyone else


I walk this path with my

four legged wolf.

The loyal one that always keeps me company.

My friend and true companion.



April 19- The Traveler

The Traveler

by Daniel White


Is this the life that I could have lived

Or could I have done so much better

Where is that boat I seem to have missed

Will I be stranded here alone forever


A traveler I am

A restless spirit within

One lonely wanderer

Waiting for tomorrow

I keep traveling


Was this the love I’ve never known

And will I always be filled with emptiness

There is nothing left to grasp or hold

As I drown silently in my loneliness


A traveler I prove to be

A little child within

One abandoned stranger

Hoping for a better tomorrow

I continue wandering


Am I meant to do this my whole life

Will I ever find the answers I need

I want to dig deep down inside

And rediscover the man I used to be


A traveler I am

A lonely spirit within

One desperate wanderer

Dreading what tomorrow will bring

I am the traveler

April 18- Lost Hope

I lay here in the night thinking
Of times of the past
I had high hopes.

I found you.
Then I lost you to death
Then I found a friend,
Who left me.

Then I found one more friend
Who also left me
Even my own brother had left me,

They all made choices that left
The rest of us alone.
Left me alone,

I had thought that I would
Be alone, but
When I did find these people
My hopes for an understanding heart
Grew. But one by one I lost those close to me.

Sometimes I feel like I let it happen
But I had no idea what was going on in your lives.
I wish I knew then.

Maybe I am to be alone forever
But there is a light in my heart
That is strong like a tree
That shines through me.
A light of hope
One that say “keep going,
Keep living. You will not be alone.”

I believe this light.
And if I am always alone
This light will alway give me company
And the hope needed.


April 18- Willing But Afraid

Willing But Afraid
by Daniel White

When death takes its hateful control
I can feel it blossom within my soul
Loss of mind, loss of sight
My time to leave will arrive tonight

Hold me down, don’t let me go
Take away all I have known
I will return to dust for eternity
Within a sense of quiet security

So many promises have been lost
As I forget important memories
In my sleep I turn and toss
And wave good-bye to everything before me

I’m willing but afraid
Death is soon on its way
Despair and anguish take their hold
I was young, but now I’m old

What more can I find
I cannot see, I’m blind
What else can I do
I will depart soon

I’m willing to live
And afraid to die
To my friends I will give
A final good-bye

I’m afraid to live
But, willing to die
My family will give
Their comfort and cries

I will now drift
Into the abyss
I love you all
As into the blackness I fall

April 17- Alone

By Daniel White

I am a man who walks alone
Gradually, I trudge into the fearful night
Within my heart, despair has found a home
As I crouch into this suicidal light

Born to only live a meaningless life
Bred to see the hate within my soul
Torn apart by never gaining the prize
Led to the agony of unfinished goals
I feel alone
So alone
I am an idiot who is filled with foolish notions
Slowly, I tread between my friends and family
Within my sick mind filled with hateful emotions
I sit back and watch my cruel and bitter enemies

Lost inside my imaginations of rage
Made not to be who I wish to be
Tossed about in sordid thoughts with which I pray
Paid to look away from my individuality
I am alone

Very alone
With. I one but myself
Walking on my own
In the darkness that I dwell

April 17- Your Choice Made

Another one lost today
Left in the side of the road
Without the strength to move on
Or maybe she did it on purpose.

Maybe she wanted to leave me
And the rest of us
Alone here, walking.

I told her that I would be her help
I would help her like I had
Always wanted someone to help me
When the worst thing in my life happened

I wanted to be strong for her
To be with her
Yet she did not let me in
Did not even talk to me
Maybe I was mistaken with
What I thought we had

Was I?
Was I wrong?
We have to pick up the pieces
Now. The ones you left
And move on
Keep going the journey
Even though the steps away from you
Become harder.

Yet, in the end it was the choice you made
And we both have to live with it.


April 16-Smothered In Regret

Smothered In Regret

by Daniel White


I sit here along with memories

Each one filled with hurt and regret

I can feel them relive within me

While I am alone and upset


Those lost hopes have paved

A path I can no longer crave

These lost and broken dreams

Are all that live inside of me

I wish I could find release


I lie to myself once more

Trying to justify my actions

And I am still left out and ignored

When I choose to seek your reaction


The fall air is cool

And I am still a lonely fool

These lost hopes

Are all I know

And I cannot find escape

There is never escape


I am smothered by all of these years

Which continue to hold my darkest fears

Forever damned by the mistakes I can’t take back

Always bound by me bittersweet past


If only I could move forward

And not replay the regret which smothers me

Instead I give up and move towards

My loneliness that rests eternally


So, I continue to sit here

And think about each memory

Filled with regret and fear

If only I could escape  from me

There is never any release

April 16- Still Breathing

You think that this  right

but I swear to you

I will break you heart

I will hurt you


I am nothing anymore

I have a darkness that hurts me

and those around me


I have drawn away from those close to me

Maybe I was never close to them before.

There is no way out.  I will not hang on anymore

I will let go

of you


I have been stuck here,

I have fallen into this silence

And don’t you come for me.

Because you will not make it out here

without me hurting you

Because I will break your heart


It is all I have ever known to do

I cannot stop what I know to be true.

I am cold as can be

But be assured that I am still breathing

Even if it is the most shallow I have

ever breathed before.

I am still